BENJI!! Merry Christmas!!!!!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
What is Reality?
I can't help it, I have a guilty secret. I watch too much reality T.V. I watch many of the shows on when I get the time. From "I Love New York" to "The Amazing Race" to "Big Brother" I watch them all. It is kinda embarrassing. So what is it about these shows that keep us going back?
Why are men and women on these dating shows and what is it about their humiliation that keeps us coming back. People lie to each other, spit on each other, and subject themselves to numerous indignities. Are they so desperate for their 15 minutes of fame that they will give up all self respect to get it? And what does it say about me, that I watch them do this?
It is actually kinda sad that seemingly normal people lose their minds on some of these shows. It is like watching a train wreck. I often wonder if they are not all staged. I remember as a kid watching wrestling. Is that what is happening here? Some of the people on these shows are soo sad that you can't help but feel sorry for them. No one wants to be rejected, why would anyone take being rejected on national T.V.
I have some theories. I believe that many of these narcissistic lunatics really don't know that the rest of the world is laughing at them. Nor do they care. Some are looking for their big break. I think some are getting paid and that is a huge motivator. I also believe that there are some people who actually believe they will find true love on T.V. or win their fortune.
What does all of this say about our culture? I don't know. I won't pretend to have any answers. I just know that someone worth having would not ask you to belittle yourself in front of the world in order to win a date or money. But what do I know? Not a damn thing.
Why are men and women on these dating shows and what is it about their humiliation that keeps us coming back. People lie to each other, spit on each other, and subject themselves to numerous indignities. Are they so desperate for their 15 minutes of fame that they will give up all self respect to get it? And what does it say about me, that I watch them do this?
It is actually kinda sad that seemingly normal people lose their minds on some of these shows. It is like watching a train wreck. I often wonder if they are not all staged. I remember as a kid watching wrestling. Is that what is happening here? Some of the people on these shows are soo sad that you can't help but feel sorry for them. No one wants to be rejected, why would anyone take being rejected on national T.V.
I have some theories. I believe that many of these narcissistic lunatics really don't know that the rest of the world is laughing at them. Nor do they care. Some are looking for their big break. I think some are getting paid and that is a huge motivator. I also believe that there are some people who actually believe they will find true love on T.V. or win their fortune.
What does all of this say about our culture? I don't know. I won't pretend to have any answers. I just know that someone worth having would not ask you to belittle yourself in front of the world in order to win a date or money. But what do I know? Not a damn thing.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Soccer moms, their vans and that sticker
I don't mean to be rude, but I am so sick of getting stuck in traffic behind these soccer moms in their damn mini vans. And I total hate the sticker. You know the one I am talking about. I mean, I understand the van but it seems that all of these women who drive them have lost their mind. They drive slow, are consistently on their damn phones, and they all look like they came from the same old mold.
Is there a type of person who drives the mini van? I think there is. They are all women who have the same hair style, you know the type, ultra conservative preppy. But not in an expensive way. God forbid they go for something unique. They all have their little Johnny's and Susie's in the back with the sippy cup. These women look down their collective noses at people who have not devoted every minute being in awe of their kid. I especially love the van with the bumper sticker advertising their kid made the honor roll. As if that is something hard to do these days, everything is spoon fed to these kids so that they can manipulate achievement tests. The ultimate dumbing down of American kids. After all, it might bruise their ego if we give them a hard test that pushes them to their limits. And as we know the mini van mom is all about protecting her baby's fragile self esteem.
I really hate they way they drive. They seem to navigate at 10 miles below the speed limit as if they are afraid that they might actually get somewhere today. Yesterday, I was amazed that one of these bitches actually almost rear ended me. (I was going 10 miles over the limit) She was of course on her phone. When she had to cut over 2 lanes of traffic to exit at the last minute. No doubt she was coordinating her important life or her child's social calender. I had a bad case of road rage and had to introduce her to my finger. I probably scarred the little darlings in the back seat for life. Hopefully mom got off the phone to explain my bad person behavior and got the kids off the highway safely.
Lastly, I don't really give a shit about your kids report card. There I said it, I could care less if they are on the honor roll or what sport they are in. I get that you are proud of your kiddo's accomplishments. I am proud of my child as well. She too made the honor roll in school. However, she tells me she did not need me to put and I quote, "some gay assed sicker on the car" to let the whole world know she was better than anyone else. (her ego is fine in that she claims to know she is better than everyone else) I must talk to that kid about her elevated self esteem. But after talking to her, that's when I got it, the sticker wasn't about stroking the kids ego, It is about stroking the parent's ego.
Is there a type of person who drives the mini van? I think there is. They are all women who have the same hair style, you know the type, ultra conservative preppy. But not in an expensive way. God forbid they go for something unique. They all have their little Johnny's and Susie's in the back with the sippy cup. These women look down their collective noses at people who have not devoted every minute being in awe of their kid. I especially love the van with the bumper sticker advertising their kid made the honor roll. As if that is something hard to do these days, everything is spoon fed to these kids so that they can manipulate achievement tests. The ultimate dumbing down of American kids. After all, it might bruise their ego if we give them a hard test that pushes them to their limits. And as we know the mini van mom is all about protecting her baby's fragile self esteem.
I really hate they way they drive. They seem to navigate at 10 miles below the speed limit as if they are afraid that they might actually get somewhere today. Yesterday, I was amazed that one of these bitches actually almost rear ended me. (I was going 10 miles over the limit) She was of course on her phone. When she had to cut over 2 lanes of traffic to exit at the last minute. No doubt she was coordinating her important life or her child's social calender. I had a bad case of road rage and had to introduce her to my finger. I probably scarred the little darlings in the back seat for life. Hopefully mom got off the phone to explain my bad person behavior and got the kids off the highway safely.
Lastly, I don't really give a shit about your kids report card. There I said it, I could care less if they are on the honor roll or what sport they are in. I get that you are proud of your kiddo's accomplishments. I am proud of my child as well. She too made the honor roll in school. However, she tells me she did not need me to put and I quote, "some gay assed sicker on the car" to let the whole world know she was better than anyone else. (her ego is fine in that she claims to know she is better than everyone else) I must talk to that kid about her elevated self esteem. But after talking to her, that's when I got it, the sticker wasn't about stroking the kids ego, It is about stroking the parent's ego.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The list can go on and on.
"I hate to be rude but...." Whenever someone says that, they have no other intention but to be rude. Well in my case I really do intend to be rude. Why do people have to say some of the things they say. I have a list of phrases that people say that bug the hell out of me. Here are some of my favorites.
1. "does that make sense" One time I want to say NO to the pompous ass who next says that to me. Note, they tend to ask this repeatedly after each sentence they make.
2. "FYI" I don't now what pisses me off about it, I Hate it when managers use that in their daily mantra of interactions it staff.
3. "I am not like other men you know" Kill me now, just saying that proves that you are.
4. "Think outside the box" Can't quite figure out what is expected of that. It is just a little bit too pop-psychology for me.
5. All catch phrases from the most current self help book. I love myself, my body, my mind etc.
We all have things we just say and we don't think about it. Mostly, there is a response needed or expected from such. It is too bad we just don't say what we mean.
1. "does that make sense" One time I want to say NO to the pompous ass who next says that to me. Note, they tend to ask this repeatedly after each sentence they make.
2. "FYI" I don't now what pisses me off about it, I Hate it when managers use that in their daily mantra of interactions it staff.
3. "I am not like other men you know" Kill me now, just saying that proves that you are.
4. "Think outside the box" Can't quite figure out what is expected of that. It is just a little bit too pop-psychology for me.
5. All catch phrases from the most current self help book. I love myself, my body, my mind etc.
We all have things we just say and we don't think about it. Mostly, there is a response needed or expected from such. It is too bad we just don't say what we mean.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Happy Halloween!!
Yes, It is sad that I do this to my baby. Don't feel to bad for him though, he looks like this because I have SNAUSAGES behind me. He won't wear anything over his head and there is not enough treats to get him to keep it on. But he wears clothes as needed and he does enjoy it.
My daughter is too old and too cool for Halloween so what's a girl to do?
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Life in a Cube
I admit it, I am a cube monkey. My cube is actually an office complete with four walls and a door but is still a cube. I am luckier than the others in our office who are separated by little half-walls but I still suffer from being in the cube.
Our office has everything you would expect, the jamming copier, printers from 1987 that don't work, and a pencil counting manager. (Please to refer to the movie Office Space for a visual picture. It is very accurate.) We have an office full of women which may account for the fact that there is always drama to be had. Some of the men (and I use that term loosely) are unfortunately extensions of the women in the office.
There is the old guy who is just biding his time until he can relax. He is often spotted napping at his desk. He is quite sad at times. He has the wife who makes the to die for food for us, so we love him. We love him even though he seems to be scared to drive home in the snow and has been stranded a couple of times only to be saved by one of the girls in the office.
Maybe I am not being fair to these guys. They do bring a certain balance to the office. They don't talk shit about people in the office, and they don't go searching for gossip. (but they will contribute if given the chance. I have learned a few things from them) You don't hear them talking shit about someones hair or clothes. So they are not personal in their attacks.
One of my favorite people in the cube jungle is crazy older lady. She has been around the block. I love talking to her. She is a divorced, horny, bra-burning old school feminist who unfortunately is a liberal. (We can discuss that later). She tells people exactly the way it is. She takes no prisoners in her day to day interactions with all of us. This woman is always on the lookout for the next hot male ass she can drool over. One of them happened to be my brother in law. She only got to look at that one.
Our equipment is old but like most people in business, we are told to shut up about it, it is not in the budget to get new until the year 2055. I don't know what is in the budget for next year. I really hope we get toilet paper that fits the rolls in the bathroom. Our toilet paper roller thingy is the wrong size for the cheap ass toilet paper we buy. It is too tight on that roll so when you try to get toilet paper, you only get one square at a time. It is corporate abuse at it's finest. Not only have they gotten rid of the seat covers, you spend an hour trying to get toilet paper off of the roller thing. Moral would go up if we could only wipe our asses in a timely and effective manner.
Look for more on my life in the cube in future posts.
Our office has everything you would expect, the jamming copier, printers from 1987 that don't work, and a pencil counting manager. (Please to refer to the movie Office Space for a visual picture. It is very accurate.) We have an office full of women which may account for the fact that there is always drama to be had. Some of the men (and I use that term loosely) are unfortunately extensions of the women in the office.
There is the old guy who is just biding his time until he can relax. He is often spotted napping at his desk. He is quite sad at times. He has the wife who makes the to die for food for us, so we love him. We love him even though he seems to be scared to drive home in the snow and has been stranded a couple of times only to be saved by one of the girls in the office.
Maybe I am not being fair to these guys. They do bring a certain balance to the office. They don't talk shit about people in the office, and they don't go searching for gossip. (but they will contribute if given the chance. I have learned a few things from them) You don't hear them talking shit about someones hair or clothes. So they are not personal in their attacks.
One of my favorite people in the cube jungle is crazy older lady. She has been around the block. I love talking to her. She is a divorced, horny, bra-burning old school feminist who unfortunately is a liberal. (We can discuss that later). She tells people exactly the way it is. She takes no prisoners in her day to day interactions with all of us. This woman is always on the lookout for the next hot male ass she can drool over. One of them happened to be my brother in law. She only got to look at that one.
Our equipment is old but like most people in business, we are told to shut up about it, it is not in the budget to get new until the year 2055. I don't know what is in the budget for next year. I really hope we get toilet paper that fits the rolls in the bathroom. Our toilet paper roller thingy is the wrong size for the cheap ass toilet paper we buy. It is too tight on that roll so when you try to get toilet paper, you only get one square at a time. It is corporate abuse at it's finest. Not only have they gotten rid of the seat covers, you spend an hour trying to get toilet paper off of the roller thing. Moral would go up if we could only wipe our asses in a timely and effective manner.
Look for more on my life in the cube in future posts.
Friday, October 12, 2007
I just need to sleep
The thing is, sometimes I take a prescribed sleeping pill before I go to bed. I do not drive, cook, or engage in any otherwise dangerous activities. I could never find my keys after I took one anyway. (Please note, I can't find my keys at least twice a week when I don't take a sleeping pill).
HOWEVER, I have been known to make a purchase on QVC and blog about the Colorado Rockies in an illiterate fashion. I recently read a blog I posted last night. It was crazy and everything was "hot". What the sam frappin hell? I deleted it. I actually used the word unbeated. Enough said about that. The most dangerous side effect of a sleeping pill: It brings out my inner stupid self that should know better. The warnings are there from the drug company.
The thing is, I can't always get to sleep. I am usually fine once I get to sleep. But I forget that sleeping pills will mess with your memory. I have ordered jewelry off of T.V. and don't remember exactly what I ordered or what it cost. Why is jewelry always on T.V.? Why not my pretty blue coach bag? I love jewelry like every other woman on the planet but enough is enough. From now on the purse with the credit cards do not stay in the room at night.
While I seem to be confessing, I not only order jewelry and make ridiculous posts, I eat. My favorite snack to eat after I take that little white pill? Has to be the peanut butter and honey sandwich. Do I eat it at the table like any other normal person? NO, I eat it in bed.
Okay, I eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches in bed, order jewelry and write posts on a blog that you can't understand. The boxer gets up every time I do and no one seems to be sleeping. Why do I take it? I can't freaking sleep sometimes. My sister can fall asleep in 30 seconds and I can't fall asleep for hours. My mind does not shut down. It takes me hours to fall asleep. With it, I seem to shut down my mind but gain weight. The truth is, I have some nice jewelry to console me.
So tonight I am writing this with a clear mind in order to prevent a crazy post on AL GORE WINNING THE FRIGGIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!! It is more than any sane, undrugged person can tolerate. I won't subject anyone to that.
HOWEVER, I have been known to make a purchase on QVC and blog about the Colorado Rockies in an illiterate fashion. I recently read a blog I posted last night. It was crazy and everything was "hot". What the sam frappin hell? I deleted it. I actually used the word unbeated. Enough said about that. The most dangerous side effect of a sleeping pill: It brings out my inner stupid self that should know better. The warnings are there from the drug company.
The thing is, I can't always get to sleep. I am usually fine once I get to sleep. But I forget that sleeping pills will mess with your memory. I have ordered jewelry off of T.V. and don't remember exactly what I ordered or what it cost. Why is jewelry always on T.V.? Why not my pretty blue coach bag? I love jewelry like every other woman on the planet but enough is enough. From now on the purse with the credit cards do not stay in the room at night.
While I seem to be confessing, I not only order jewelry and make ridiculous posts, I eat. My favorite snack to eat after I take that little white pill? Has to be the peanut butter and honey sandwich. Do I eat it at the table like any other normal person? NO, I eat it in bed.
Okay, I eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches in bed, order jewelry and write posts on a blog that you can't understand. The boxer gets up every time I do and no one seems to be sleeping. Why do I take it? I can't freaking sleep sometimes. My sister can fall asleep in 30 seconds and I can't fall asleep for hours. My mind does not shut down. It takes me hours to fall asleep. With it, I seem to shut down my mind but gain weight. The truth is, I have some nice jewelry to console me.
So tonight I am writing this with a clear mind in order to prevent a crazy post on AL GORE WINNING THE FRIGGIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!! It is more than any sane, undrugged person can tolerate. I won't subject anyone to that.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Baseball and Family
From the time I was young baseball has been on T.V. My most vivid memory of visiting my grandfather in Oklahoma was the baseball game that was ALWAYS on. He passed his love of baseball on to my mom. I was the only one of 3 kids who enjoyed baseball. I went to the AAA team game in Tulsa and loved it. As time went on, I thought my daughter would love baseball. My mom babysat while I worked and bought my baby girl baseball clothes and they would watch baseball together while I was at work. It never quite took with her and that's sad.
Mom knows everything about baseball. It took me two years to understand a balk before I could see it and recognize it. She is so cute when she gets into her sports. You learn alot watching any sports with my mom. I think the last thing i learned was "What the sam frappin hell is going on with ........ (feel free to fill in the player,team, or mascot of your choice)
Once upon a time there was a baseball players strike and she and I moved on and found other things. We never didn't watch, just not as much. I can't watch the series anymore without remembering that year when the earthquake struck the bay area. It was devastating.
But enough with the walk down memory lane. Here we sit tonight, I am watching Colorado and Arizona in Game 1 of the NLCS and I am remembering the family I have who adore the game of baseball. My mom will re-hash the game tomorrow and talk trash about how we would have done it. Those are the good times.
Mom knows everything about baseball. It took me two years to understand a balk before I could see it and recognize it. She is so cute when she gets into her sports. You learn alot watching any sports with my mom. I think the last thing i learned was "What the sam frappin hell is going on with ........ (feel free to fill in the player,team, or mascot of your choice)
Once upon a time there was a baseball players strike and she and I moved on and found other things. We never didn't watch, just not as much. I can't watch the series anymore without remembering that year when the earthquake struck the bay area. It was devastating.
But enough with the walk down memory lane. Here we sit tonight, I am watching Colorado and Arizona in Game 1 of the NLCS and I am remembering the family I have who adore the game of baseball. My mom will re-hash the game tomorrow and talk trash about how we would have done it. Those are the good times.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Fall is coming!!!!
I have definite love/hate feelings when it comes to fall. It is cooler and I like that. The leaves are beautiful and Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.
In the fall, the outdoors smells from the people who have wood burning fireplaces and I love it. The trees are beautiful and best of all, KIDS are back in school. So all of you parents celebrate the moments you have while they are at school.
However, there are other things looming during the fall. They are so disgusting I cringe when I mention them. In October, there is an abundance of spiders, bees, moths, and other such creatures. In the car today, my boss almost wrecked her car when a moth flew in the window and hit her in the head in a cloud of moth dust. (I must confess, I almost peed my pants laughing so hard) I tried to get it out and when I touched it I screamed too. It is a miracle the two of us were able to stop the car at a light.
All of you lovers of life will say that they serve a purpose and perhaps that is so. However, they are not endangered and should be dealt with swiftly. In my line of work I have seen creatures stuck in peoples ears, or laying eggs on an open wound. They can stay in the outside for all I care, but now they are coming in my car. And we can't have that.
The spiders here are those wolf spiders and those bastards chase you. I am ashamed to say that I have to call someone to kill them if and when I see one. This year just once can I get into my shower without having to jump out naked and screaming because I saw a spider in there? I am going to end up one of those bathroom accident death statistics we read about when I slip and fall in my madness. Trust me, the last thing the hot ass firefighter will want to see is me sprawled on the floor naked screaming in the fetal position.
There has been a spider sighting at my work last week. I am safe no where. Today there was a ladybug in my office. It is a conspiracy. The one bug I would have just carried outside without freaking out about was killed by my cold hearted co-worker.
As usual, I have no solution to the bug population. I just wanted to make the statement THAT I HATE BUGS AND ARACHNIDS.
In the fall, the outdoors smells from the people who have wood burning fireplaces and I love it. The trees are beautiful and best of all, KIDS are back in school. So all of you parents celebrate the moments you have while they are at school.
However, there are other things looming during the fall. They are so disgusting I cringe when I mention them. In October, there is an abundance of spiders, bees, moths, and other such creatures. In the car today, my boss almost wrecked her car when a moth flew in the window and hit her in the head in a cloud of moth dust. (I must confess, I almost peed my pants laughing so hard) I tried to get it out and when I touched it I screamed too. It is a miracle the two of us were able to stop the car at a light.
All of you lovers of life will say that they serve a purpose and perhaps that is so. However, they are not endangered and should be dealt with swiftly. In my line of work I have seen creatures stuck in peoples ears, or laying eggs on an open wound. They can stay in the outside for all I care, but now they are coming in my car. And we can't have that.
The spiders here are those wolf spiders and those bastards chase you. I am ashamed to say that I have to call someone to kill them if and when I see one. This year just once can I get into my shower without having to jump out naked and screaming because I saw a spider in there? I am going to end up one of those bathroom accident death statistics we read about when I slip and fall in my madness. Trust me, the last thing the hot ass firefighter will want to see is me sprawled on the floor naked screaming in the fetal position.
There has been a spider sighting at my work last week. I am safe no where. Today there was a ladybug in my office. It is a conspiracy. The one bug I would have just carried outside without freaking out about was killed by my cold hearted co-worker.
As usual, I have no solution to the bug population. I just wanted to make the statement THAT I HATE BUGS AND ARACHNIDS.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Blessing of the Animals
Every year at church in honor of St. Francis of Assisi the Priest performs the blessing of the animals. Tomorrow I am taking my sweet angel Benji to be blessed. My family seems to think some divine intervention is needed given the fact that Benji has eaten a whole couch in the past, they think he is beyond hope, but I know better.
Benji the Boxer is not beyond hope, they just don't appreciate him the way that I do, but they all say I am completely nuts so it doesn't matter. I want to talk about Benji. He loves everyone. He has managed to stick his tongue in everyone's mouth that he meets. This includes my mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, niece, brother in law, the vet, and various ex-in laws. No one has died yet, yes it is disgusting, and yes it is disturbing, but he only does it because he loves us so much. I hope he doesn't tongue the Priest tomorrow though, that might be a little much.
Benji the Boxer is not beyond hope, they just don't appreciate him the way that I do, but they all say I am completely nuts so it doesn't matter. I want to talk about Benji. He loves everyone. He has managed to stick his tongue in everyone's mouth that he meets. This includes my mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, niece, brother in law, the vet, and various ex-in laws. No one has died yet, yes it is disgusting, and yes it is disturbing, but he only does it because he loves us so much. I hope he doesn't tongue the Priest tomorrow though, that might be a little much.
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